What words do I use? 

Over the last 50 years, language around sexuality and gender has shifted and changed in incredible ways. New words have been born; other words have changed meanings and usages. What used to be called the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) community, is no longer accurate as an inclusive term of all of those in the gender and orientation diverse communities. This website uses LGBTQIA+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual and the + stands for other identities) as a current inclusive term understanding that the community continues to evolve. Queer is also used as an umbrella term. Despite historically being used as an epithet, the term is being reclaimed to identify all of those who identify as being part of the community.  Another inclusive term is “Transgender and Gender Diverse” (TGD), rather than just “transgender” as gender identity terminology moves beyond the binary. See

https://lgbtqia.ucdavis.edu/educated/glossary

Common concerns for people in the LGBTQIA+ community include:

• I don’t feel like I fit, how do I describe an identity that feels like me?
• I may be comfortable with my sexual orientation, but my parents are not, what do I do?
• My church is not accepting of my sexual orientation or gender identity, what do I do?
• My partner and I are having relationship problems, how do we find a therapist who understands our unique concerns?
• I identify as gender diverse; how can I begin to present as who I really am?
• How do I deal with prejudice, discrimination, and/or abuse?

Having someone to talk with is often a good option.  Mentorship is a particularly good strategy. Finding someone who has been where you are and is now doing better, is a great way to work through some of these issues. However, sometimes having a therapist who can understand and relate to your concerns is helpful.

Should I “Come Out”?

“Coming Out” is the phrase that is often used to describe the process of coming to accept a change in sexual orientation though it appears to be applicable to gender identity changes as well. There are some things to consider:

• One should understand that coming out is not a requirement. Loss of family, jobs or financial support may preclude, at least temporarily, letting others know the good news about your changes.
• Coming out is a lifelong process for most people. You will continue to meet people and your people will continue to meet people, and therefore you can choose what you want to disclose.
• Coming out to family goes better if you are positive and avoid expressing shame or guilt. Families adjust better if you are feeling good/doing better.
• Remember that family/friends will also have a coming out period of their own. They also may need support.

Stages of Coming Out

Vivienne Cass, a researcher, proposed “Stages of Coming Out” that include the following:

• Identity Confusion: “I don’t know, I’m not sure I want to know”
• Identity Comparison: “I might be LGBTQIA+ ”
• Identity Tolerance: “OK, I’m probably LGBTQIA+, I should meet some other folks who identify this way”
• Identity Acceptance: “I am LGBTQIA+, now what” (accept status vs. just tolerates)
• Identity Pride: “I’m here, I’m queer, get used to it”.
• Identity Synthesis: “I’m LGBTQIA+ but that is only a part of who I am”.

Reparative Therapy (Conversion Therapy)

“Reparative therapy” or “conversion therapy” are commonly used umbrella terms that include sustained efforts to discourage or change behaviors related to LGBTQ+ identities and expressions (American Psychological Association, 2009a; Ashley, 2021). These efforts assume that being LGBTQ+ is an illness that must be cured, and any behaviors that indicate or reflect LGBTQ+ identities must be avoided. There are a number of other names for these practices. The American Psychological Association refers to them instead as “sexual orientation change efforts” or “gender identity change efforts” to differentiate from evidence-based forms of therapy.

Sexual orientation and gender identity (SOGI) change efforts commonly use an array of psychosocially harmful techniques, including public shaming or inducing adverse physiological reactions. As of November 2021, 20 states [including Virginia] and the District of Columbia have enacted legislation banning these practices with minors by licensed mental health care providers. Additionally, five states and one territory hold partial bans for SOGI change efforts, and some cities and counties located in states without a statewide ban—such as Miami—have enacted limited local bans. These laws have resulted in a number of legal challenges with mixed results. So far, none have gone on to the Supreme Court of the United States.  https://www.apa.org/topics/lgbtq/sexual-orientation-change

GENDER IDENTITY

Our cultures is evolving and self-identity is moving beyond the merely biologically driven and historically defined ways of being in the world. While this change has been concerning for some, those who do not “fit neatly” into gender and sexual orientation boxes are now starting to come into their own. However, the “transition” from gender assigned at birth to a different gender expression can be difficult for some.

Understanding transgender people, gender identity and gender expression

Source: American Psychological Association, June 2023. https://www.apa.org/topics/lgbtq/transgender-people-gender-identity-gender-expression

Transgender is an umbrella term for persons whose gender identity, gender expression or behavior does not conform to that typically associated with the sex to which they were assigned at birth. Gender identity refers to a person’s internal sense of being male, female or something else; gender expression refers to the way a person communicates gender identity to others through behavior, clothing, hairstyles, voice or body characteristics. “Trans” is sometimes used as shorthand for “transgender.” While transgender is generally a good term to use, not everyone whose appearance or behavior is gender-nonconforming will identify as a transgender person. The ways that transgender people are talked about in popular culture, academia and science are constantly changing, particularly as individuals’ awareness, knowledge and openness about transgender people and their experiences grow.

What is the difference between sex and gender?

Sex is assigned at birth, refers to one’s biological status as either male or female, and is associated primarily with physical attributes such as chromosomes, hormone prevalence, and external and internal anatomy. Gender refers to the socially constructed roles, behaviors, activities, and attributes that a given society considers appropriate for boys and men or girls and women. These influence the ways that people act, interact, and feel about themselves. While aspects of biological sex are similar across different cultures, aspects of gender may differ.

Various conditions that lead to atypical development of physical sex characteristics are collectively referred to as intersex conditions.

Have transgender people always existed?

Transgender persons have been documented in many indigenous, Western, and Eastern cultures and societies from antiquity until the present day. However, the meaning of gender nonconformity may vary from culture to culture.

What are some categories or types of transgender people?

Many identities fall under the transgender umbrella. The term transsexual refers to people whose gender identity is different from their assigned sex. Often, transsexual people alter or wish to alter their bodies through hormones, surgery, and other means to make their bodies as congruent as possible with their gender identities. This process of transition through medical intervention is often referred to as sex or gender reassignment, but more recently is also referred to as gender affirmation. People who were assigned female, but identify and live as male and alter or wish to alter their bodies through medical intervention to more closely resemble their gender identity are known as transsexual men or transmen (also known as female-to-male or FTM). Conversely, people who were assigned male, but identify and live as female and alter or wish to alter their bodies through medical intervention to more closely resemble their gender identity are known as transsexual women or transwomen (also known as male-to-female or MTF). Some individuals who transition from one gender to another prefer to be referred to as a man or a woman, rather than as transgender.

People who cross-dress wear clothing that is traditionally or stereotypically worn by another gender in their culture. They vary in how completely they cross-dress, from one article of clothing to fully cross-dressing. Those who cross-dress are usually comfortable with their assigned sex and do not wish to change it. Cross-dressing is a form of gender expression and is not necessarily tied to erotic activity. Cross-dressing is not indicative of sexual orientation. (See Answers to Your Questions: For a Better Understanding of Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality for more information on sexual orientation.) The degree of societal acceptance for cross-dressing varies for males and females. In some cultures, one gender may be given more latitude than another for wearing clothing associated with a different gender.

The term drag queens generally refers to men who dress as women for the purpose of entertaining others at bars, clubs, or other events. The term drag kings refers to women who dress as men for the purpose of entertaining others at bars, clubs, or other events.

Genderqueer is a term that some people use who identify their gender as falling outside the binary constructs of “male” and “female.” They may define their gender as falling somewhere on a continuum between male and female, or they may define it as wholly different from these terms. They may also request that pronouns be used to refer to them that are neither masculine nor feminine, such as “zie” instead of “he” or “she,” or “hir” instead of “his” or “her.” Some genderqueer people do not identify as transgender.

Other categories of transgender people include androgynous, multigendered, gender nonconforming, third gender, and two-spirit people. Exact definitions of these terms vary from person to person and may change over time, but often include a sense of blending or alternating genders. Some people who use these terms to describe themselves see traditional, binary concepts of gender as restrictive.

Why are some people transgender?

There is no single explanation for why some people are transgender. The diversity of transgender expression and experiences argues against any simple or unitary explanation. Many experts believe that biological factors such as genetic influences and prenatal hormone levels, early experiences, and experiences later in adolescence or adulthood may all contribute to the development of transgender identities.

What is the relationship between gender identity and sexual orientation?

Gender identity and sexual orientation are not the same. Sexual orientation refers to an individual’s enduring physical, romantic, and/or emotional attraction to another person, whereas gender identity refers to one’s internal sense of being male, female, or something else. Transgender people may be straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, or asexual, just as nontransgender people can be. Some recent research has shown that a change or a new exploration period in partner attraction may occur during the process of transition. However, transgender people usually remain as attached to loved ones after transition as they were before transition. Transgender people usually label their sexual orientation using their gender as a reference. For example, a transgender woman, or a person who is assigned male at birth and transitions to female, who is attracted to other women would be identified as a lesbian or gay woman. Likewise, a transgender man, or a person who is assigned female at birth and transitions to male, who is attracted to other men would be identified as a gay man.

How does someone know that they are transgender?

Transgender people experience their transgender identity in a variety of ways and may become aware of their transgender identity at any age. Some can trace their transgender identities and feelings back to their earliest memories. They may have vague feelings of “not fitting in” with people of their assigned sex or specific wishes to be something other than their assigned sex. Others become aware of their transgender identities or begin to explore and experience gender-nonconforming attitudes and behaviors during adolescence or much later in life. Some embrace their transgender feelings, while others struggle with feelings of shame or confusion. Those who transition later in life may have struggled to fit in adequately as their assigned sex only to later face dissatisfaction with their lives. Some transgender people, transsexuals in particular, experience intense dissatisfaction with their sex assigned at birth, physical sex characteristics, or the gender role associated with that sex. These individuals often seek gender-affirming treatments.

What should parents do if their child appears to be transgender or gender nonconforming?

Parents may be concerned about a child who appears to be gender-nonconforming for a variety of reasons. Some children express a great deal of distress about their assigned sex at birth or the gender roles they are expected to follow. Some children experience difficult social interactions with peers and adults because of their gender expression. Parents may become concerned when what they believed to be a “phase” does not pass. Parents of gender-nonconforming children may need to work with schools and other institutions to address their children’s particular needs and ensure their children’s safety. It is helpful to consult with mental health and medical professionals familiar with gender issues in children to decide how to best address these concerns. It is not helpful to force the child to act in a more gender-conforming way. Peer support from other parents of gender-nonconforming children may also be helpful.

How do transgender individuals make a gender transition?

Transitioning from one gender to another is a complex process and may involve transition to a gender that is neither traditionally male nor female. People who transition often start by expressing their preferred gender in situations where they feel safe. They typically work up to living full time as members of their preferred gender by making many changes a little at a time. While there is no “right” way to transition genders, there are some common social changes transgender people experience that may involve one or more of the following: adopting the appearance of the desired sex through changes in clothing and grooming, adopting a new name, changing sex designation on identity documents (if possible), using hormone therapy treatment, and/or undergoing medical procedures that modify their body to conform with their gender identity.

Every transgender person’s process or transition differs. Because of this, many factors may determine how the individual wishes to live and express their gender identity. Finding a qualified mental health professional who is experienced in providing affirmative care for transgender people is an important first step. A qualified professional can provide guidance and referrals to other helping professionals. Connecting with other transgender people through peer support groups and transgender community organizations is also helpful.

The World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH), a professional organization devoted to the treatment of transgender people, publishes The Standards of Care for Gender Identity Disorders, which offers recommendations for the provision of gender affirmation procedures and services.

Is being transgender a mental disorder?

A psychological state is considered a mental disorder only if it causes significant distress or disability. Many transgender people do not experience their gender as distressing or disabling, which implies that identifying as transgender does not constitute a mental disorder. For these individuals, the significant problem is finding affordable resources, such as counseling, hormone therapy, medical procedures and the social support necessary to freely express their gender identity and minimize discrimination. Many other obstacles may lead to distress, including a lack of acceptance within society, direct or indirect experiences with discrimination, or assault. These experiences may lead many transgender people to suffer with anxiety, depression or related disorders at higher rates than nontransgender persons.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), people who experience intense, persistent gender incongruence can be given the diagnosis of “gender dysphoria.” Some contend that the diagnosis inappropriately pathologizes gender noncongruence and should be eliminated. Others argue that it is essential to retain the diagnosis to ensure access to care. The International Classification of Diseases (ICD) is under revision and there may be changes to its current classification of intense persistent gender incongruence as “gender identity disorder.”

What kinds of discrimination do transgender people face?

Anti-discrimination laws in most U.S. cities and states do not protect transgender people from discrimination based on gender identity or gender expression. Consequently, transgender people in most cities and states face discrimination in nearly every aspect of their lives. The National Center for Transgender Equality and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force released a report in 2011 entitled Injustice at Every Turn, which confirmed the pervasive and severe discrimination faced by transgender people. Out of a sample of nearly 6,500 transgender people, the report found that transgender people experience high levels of discrimination in employment, housing, health care, education, legal systems, and even in their families.

Transgender people may also have additional identities that may affect the types of discrimination they experience. Groups with such additional identities include transgender people of racial, ethnic, or religious minority backgrounds; transgender people of lower socioeconomic statuses; transgender people with disabilities; transgender youth; transgender elderly; and others. Experiencing discrimination may cause significant amounts of psychological stress, often leaving transgender individuals to wonder whether they were discriminated against because of their gender identity or gender expression, another sociocultural identity, or some combination of all of these.

According to the study, while discrimination is pervasive for the majority of transgender people, the intersection of anti-transgender bias and persistent, structural racism is especially severe. People of color in general fare worse than White transgender people, with African American transgender individuals faring far worse than all other transgender populations examined.

Many transgender people are the targets of hate crimes. They are also the victims of subtle discrimination—which includes everything from glances or glares of disapproval or discomfort to invasive questions about their body parts.

How can I be supportive of transgender family members, friends, or significant others?

Educate yourself about transgender issues by reading books, attending conferences, and consulting with transgender experts. Be aware of your attitudes concerning people with gender-nonconforming appearance or behavior. Know that transgender people have membership in various sociocultural identity groups (e.g., race, social class, religion, age, disability, etc.) and there is not one universal way to look or be transgender. Use names and pronouns that are appropriate to the person’s gender presentation and identity; if in doubt, ask. Don’t make assumptions about transgender people’s sexual orientation, desire for hormonal or medical treatment, or other aspects of their identity or transition plans. If you have a reason to know (e.g., you are a physician conducting a necessary physical exam or you are a person who is interested in dating someone that you’ve learned is transgender), ask. Don’t confuse gender nonconformity with being transgender. Not all people who appear androgynous or gender nonconforming identify as transgender or desire gender affirmation treatment. Keep the lines of communication open with the transgender person in your life. Get support in processing your own reactions. It can take some time to adjust to seeing someone you know well transitioning. Having someone close to you transition will be an adjustment and can be challenging, especially for partners, parents, and children. Seek support in dealing with your feelings. You are not alone. Mental health professionals and support groups for family, friends, and significant others of transgender people can be useful resources. Advocate for transgender rights, including social and economic justice and appropriate psychological care. Familiarize yourself with the local and state or provincial laws that protect transgender people from discrimination.

Where can I find more information about transgender health, advocacy and human rights?

American Psychological Association: Office on Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity

Children’s National Medical Center:  Gender and Sexuality Advocacy and Education

Family Acceptance Project, San Francisco State University

FTM International

National Center for Transgender Equality

Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) Transgender Network (TNET)

Sylvia Rivera Law Project

Transgender Law Center

TransYouth Family Allies

World Professional Association for Transgender Health